A lesson in surrendering

I've learned over the past year that we have very little control over our circumstances. No matter how much we try to fight it, no matter how much we cry or throw temper tantrums, if something is not in God's plan for us, it will not happen. Does this make me sound resigned? Perhaps. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. People often say that God doesn't close a door without opening a window. For most people, when a door closes, they will go and look for a window. But not me; I'm the person who will throw myself at the door, do everything I can to pry that door open. Only when I'm bruised and bleeding all over with no energy left, that's when I will give up and look for that window. Sounds silly doesn't it? Yet, I think it's something a lot of us do. Why is it so hard for us to let go of our hopes or expectations? Why is it so difficult for us to accept that some things are the way they are for a reason? I think it's because we are letting our desires take hold of us. We are letting what we want take precedence over everything else. It says in Isaiah,

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I think this is something we all know. But "knowing" something is one thing, and "accepting" something is a whole other thing. It's hard for us to let go of our own desires, especially if it's something we so desperately want, something we would do anything for. It's hard to let go because letting go means giving up, it means surrendering. But as Christians, isn't that what we are called to do? We are called to surrender our all to God, this include our desires and our expectations. Paul wrote in his letter to the church of Philipi,

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." Philippians 3:7-8

Paul remind us in these verses that we need to let go of all things, so that we may gain Christ. What does that mean? It means that when we let go of our own expectations and our own plans, we grow more in Christ, both in our relationship with Him, and our likeness to Him. In a way, we are like water jugs filled to the rim with our own wishes and hopes. But if we don't pour some of that water out, we can't make room for His plans. God has amazing plans for you and I, but sometimes because we are holding on to our "dirty water", we are not allowing God's fresh and clean water to fill us and our life.

As I meditate on this, one story that I was reminded of is the story of John the Baptist. When John the Baptist's disciples came to John to complain about the fact that Jesus is getting all the attention and respect, what did John the Baptist say? He said: 

"The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:29-30

I think this is a great reminder for us. As we mature in our walk of faith, we must let our own desires and expectations dominate us less and less, and we must let His plans and desires direct us more and more. Chinese philosopher Lao Zi once said, "when I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." I think this saying is quite fitting for us Christians. We need to let go of who we are and what we hold onto so tightly. Only then, He can work through our life for us to become who we can be.

No doubt, this is a very difficult lesson to learn. For me, I am just starting to grasp this. I am still trying to come to term with a loss I've experienced. I'm still trying to accept that this is all a part of God's plan. I am still trying to let go of my own desires and hope. I've fought a good fight, but I am bruised all over. Even then I'm still not quite ready to let go completely, but I'm learning, learning to let go one finger at a time.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.