A lesson in surrendering

I've learned over the past year that we have very little control over our circumstances. No matter how much we try to fight it, no matter how much we cry or throw temper tantrums, if something is not in God's plan for us, it will not happen. Does this make me sound resigned? Perhaps. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. People often say that God doesn't close a door without opening a window. For most people, when a door closes, they will go and look for a window. But not me; I'm the person who will throw myself at the door, do everything I can to pry that door open. Only when I'm bruised and bleeding all over with no energy left, that's when I will give up and look for that window. Sounds silly doesn't it? Yet, I think it's something a lot of us do. Why is it so hard for us to let go of our hopes or expectations? Why is it so difficult for us to accept that some things are the way they are for a reason? I think it's because we are letting our desires take hold of us. We are letting what we want take precedence over everything else. It says in Isaiah,

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

I think this is something we all know. But "knowing" something is one thing, and "accepting" something is a whole other thing. It's hard for us to let go of our own desires, especially if it's something we so desperately want, something we would do anything for. It's hard to let go because letting go means giving up, it means surrendering. But as Christians, isn't that what we are called to do? We are called to surrender our all to God, this include our desires and our expectations. Paul wrote in his letter to the church of Philipi,

"But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ." Philippians 3:7-8

Paul remind us in these verses that we need to let go of all things, so that we may gain Christ. What does that mean? It means that when we let go of our own expectations and our own plans, we grow more in Christ, both in our relationship with Him, and our likeness to Him. In a way, we are like water jugs filled to the rim with our own wishes and hopes. But if we don't pour some of that water out, we can't make room for His plans. God has amazing plans for you and I, but sometimes because we are holding on to our "dirty water", we are not allowing God's fresh and clean water to fill us and our life.

As I meditate on this, one story that I was reminded of is the story of John the Baptist. When John the Baptist's disciples came to John to complain about the fact that Jesus is getting all the attention and respect, what did John the Baptist say? He said: 

"The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom's voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:29-30

I think this is a great reminder for us. As we mature in our walk of faith, we must let our own desires and expectations dominate us less and less, and we must let His plans and desires direct us more and more. Chinese philosopher Lao Zi once said, "when I let go of what I am, I become what I might be." I think this saying is quite fitting for us Christians. We need to let go of who we are and what we hold onto so tightly. Only then, He can work through our life for us to become who we can be.

No doubt, this is a very difficult lesson to learn. For me, I am just starting to grasp this. I am still trying to come to term with a loss I've experienced. I'm still trying to accept that this is all a part of God's plan. I am still trying to let go of my own desires and hope. I've fought a good fight, but I am bruised all over. Even then I'm still not quite ready to let go completely, but I'm learning, learning to let go one finger at a time.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

During the dark times...

Okay guys, I know I haven't wrote anything in a very long time, two months and 23 days to be exact. I have no good excuse, I've simply been too busy. Then I went on a month long trip, and now I'm back, picking up not exactly where I've left off. Life is still hectic, filled with lots of ups and downs, but I am thankful for every moment of everyday. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, and our God is in control and He has amazing plans for each one of us. So if you are going through a rough time right now, hang in there, one day it will all fit together.

We all go through various trials in life. Lets face it, no one lives a life full of rainbows, and colors, and dancing stars. We all face different situations where we feel pain, anger, disappointment, frustration, or all of the above. What do you do during this time of difficulty?

I think all of us are the same. When we go through trials, we are focused on ourselves. We are focused on our pain, our frustration, our disappointment, our anger, our sadness... We pray hard for ourselves and our situations. We ask others to pray for us. We question why things happen the way they did. We lift all that we feel, all that we say, all that we do before God. We ask Him to guide us and give us peace. Is there anything wrong with that? No, I don't think so. Because as we spend time reflecting, questioning, and praying, it is often during this time that we grow closer to God. Now why am I writing this? Because as I go through a time of trial feeling weak under the weight of the baggage I'm carrying, I am doing exactly all of the things I've listed above. I am wondering though, besides praying for myself and focusing on myself, what else should I be doing? 

Recently, my question was answered. I was reminded of what Jesus did and said during His darkest time. When He was on the cross facing the physical pain of the cross, hearing all the jeering and laughter of the people He loved, bearing the weight of all our sins, feeling the separation from the Father, He only said a few things on the cross. First, He asked for forgiveness from God for the very people who wronged Him.

'Jesus said, "Father, forgive the, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.' Luke 23:34

The next thing Jesus said was to the criminal hanging beside Him. The criminal repented his sins and asked Jesus to remember him,

'Jesus answered him,"I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."' Luke 23:43

After this, Jesus saw His mother and John while He was on the cross,

'When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, "Dear woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.

If you noticed, in all the examples, Jesus did not focus on Himself, instead, He was focused on the people around Him. First He prayed for the people who were persecuting him, then He comforted the criminal beside Him, then He asked John to take care of His mother. I mean, during the hardest trial of Jesus's life, He did not just focus on how much He was hurting, He attended to the needs of the people around Him. Isn't that amazing? How many of us can do that? We don't even need to put ourselves in that very situation. Even in our everyday situation when we face a hard trial, when our heart is aching with sadness and frustration, how many of us can honestly say that when we come before God in prayer, we spend majority of the time thinking about other people's needs and not thinking about our own needs? I admit that I can be selfish, I spend much of the time licking my own wounds and praying for the people I've hurt, but not enough time caring and praying for the people around me. I can be so involved in my own little world that I stop noticing people all the buzz around me. Through this I am reminded, reminded of what I need to do during a time of hardship, what I need to do during a time of pain. It's not to say that we can't question God or pray for ourselves, because even Jesus did that on the cross (Matthew 27:46), but it is a reminder for us to look up once a while from our misery and see the world around us.

In the end, I guess all I'm trying to say is, when we are going through a rough patch in life with our head down, sometimes we need to make that effort to look up and see the needs around us. Jesus gave us a great example of how He went through the biggest trial of His life, He looked beyond His own suffering to help others. What about us? What will we do during our time of darkness and suffering?

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." Philippians 2:3-4