Recently I've been overwhelmed with guilt regarding my recent mistakes and the pain I've caused. I wonder if the decisions I've made were the right decisions. If they were the right decisions, then why is everyone affected by the decisions unhappy? I feel like I had two path laid out in front of me, I picked one path with good intentions, I thought it was a path that would make everyone happy in the long run, but the truth is, right now, no one is happy. I can't help but wonder what I was suppose to do. I'm not regretting the decisions I've made, but I am confused and frustrated by the whole situation. And I am feeling burdened by the pain I've caused. I wish I could just bear all the pain, I just want the people I care about to be happy. It pains me so much watching people I love hurting. It's times like this I feel so helpless, the only thing I can do is kneel in front of God and pray. I pray for joy, for clarity, and for peace to be with the people I care about. I pray that God will lead them to still water and allow them to find peace in Him.
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul..." Psalm 23:1-3
If I could turn back time, I wish I had taken more time praying and listening to God. I wonder if I took more time waiting for God, maybe things would have turned out differently, maybe less people would be hurting. When I made my decisions, I could only see two paths, I wonder if there is a secret path I could have taken, but because I didn't wait upon the Lord, I couldn't see the path. A lot of times I kneel down and I pray, but I don't have enough patience to listen to what He has to say. Or I've already made up my mind that I'm not even open to what He has to say. David talked about waiting for the Lord 18 times in Psalms, that's a lot of waiting. But because David waited, God guided him through all the up and downs, through all the sorrows and despair, through all the trials of life... Did David question why God allowed him to experience all these pain and frustration? Yes he did, but what did David say in the end? He said:
"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning." Psalm 130:5-6
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